It’s been a slow and interesting few months for me – creatively, spiritually, emotionally, physically.
I’ve been super distant and disconnected from social media, I haven’t had any desire or motivation to write (because what do you write about when you’re in a funk?), and my time with the Lord has, unfortunately, been pretty non-existent. All I’ve really wanted to do is lay in bed, eat junk food and Netflix. Strangely enough, I feel like my mind has been in a million different places, yet, at the same time, nowhere at all. Maybe that’s the infamous pregnancy brain I’ve been hearing so much about.
Let me tell you a little something about my personality. I wish I could say I’m a go-getter; a hustler. But I’m not. I envy those of you who are. While some find thrill in it, I tend to get stuck and turn the other direction when there is too much in front of me. I just can’t quite figure out how to handle it all. It becomes overwhelming, and it always seems way harder to move forward and find a way out than it is to just push it off to the side and not deal with it. Not today. Until today turns into weeks, and then I look back on the last 4 months of my life and think, “What have I been doing with my time?”
I’d like to chalk it all up to pregnancy, but if I’m being honest, I just haven’t been in a great place. I wish I could tell you that I knew exactly why, or how I’ve started to climb out of it. But I can’t.
What I can tell you is that sometimes, things seem like mountains. Spoiler alert: they’re not.
If you’re like me, you may look at something that seems as big and challenging and scary as a mountain, and try to act like it’s just not there. But I think that’s how the enemy keeps us from hearing the Lord and doing Kingdom work. Keeps us from growing and moving forward and getting things accomplished. And all the while, things continue to pile up around you, and soon, they actually do start to turn into mountains.
If you’re not following me, you must have never put off folding the laundry for two weeks. Amiright?
I also think that God uses those mountainous moments to teach us, stretch us, allow us to grow. There are always lessons in the hardships and struggles. And it’s when you get to the top of that mountain that you really see why it was all worth it; why it was important that you just pushed through and got there.
I had a very serious talk with myself a few mornings ago on my way to work. “You can either sit here and feel sorry for yourself and watch as things continue to get bigger, or you can start taking steps forward, even the babiest of baby steps, and start getting stuff done, little by little.” So that’s what I’ve been doing. A little here, a little there. Blog planning, cleaning, writing, laundry, quiet time, and still trying to give myself time to rest as much as possible in between. Don’t get me wrong, there are still days when I feel like I’m going in circles. But I’m going, and maybe for right now, that’s the best I can do.
The last few months have been filled with so much joy. But they’ve been really hard. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I haven’t quite felt like myself. But one thing I’m sure of is that God is moving and working. He’s going ahead of us and paving the path we are walking on now. He’s with our baby girl as she continues to grow in size and strength. He’s guiding and making ways, leading and preparing. And when we stop and are still, get out of our own minds, and focus on Him, that becomes clear. He never left, I just stopped listening.
Sometimes, things seem like mountains.
Spoiler alert: they’re not.