For the longest time, I struggled with feeling like, as a believer in Christ, I had to have it all together, all the time. I know a lot of you may be sitting there thinking, “What?! That makes no sense. No way!”
Yes way! Think what you want, but I truly felt like I had to look a certain way, act a certain way and think a certain way, and that things always needed to be okay. But y’all, I’ve come to the conclusion that I just don’t do that well. That’s just not me. Sometimes, I’m a mess – in more ways than one! My mind is a mess, packed full of bold ideas, scribbled thoughts and things I’m trying to remember (most of which I forget anyways). My heart is a mess from past experiences, broken friendships and pieces that were given away to people who were undeserving. I occasionally have bad days, I don’t always keep the house completely clean, I let laundry pile up just a little too high, and some nights I just don’t feel like cooking and fast food is the answer. I’m emotional, I don’t always respond to things perfectly, I struggle with anxiety, and I’m not sure I even know what “having it all together” feels like.
Hi, I’m Rachel, and sometimes, I'm a mess.
I’ve been reading and studying in Colossians for a while now, and the Lord has been doing a number on my heart. You see, I’m nowhere near perfect, and I am completely okay and happy with that. Frankly, I don’t want to be perfect. But the idea that I have to have it all together all the time has since been replaced with the knowledge that God is not afraid of my messes! He walks right into them, like an old friend who doesn’t bother knocking. They don’t change how He loves me. In fact, I like to think that He loves me more because of them. I find my fullness in Him, and in the midst of my messes, He always shows me love and grace.
Just before I began writing this I decided to study for a little while. Now, when I do my Bible studies, I usually use my note-taking Bible and my study Bible because I love the commentaries at the bottom. I opened both of them, not noticing that I had turned to two different books. We are going through Galatians in our staff meetings at work, so I flipped there in my Study Bible, not even realizing that I had turned to Colossians in my note-taking Bible to do my personal study. I read from Galatians and took notes in Colossians for about 20 minutes; things seemed off, but it still hadn’t registered. Y’all… are you following me? I was actively reading the passages from two different books in two different Bibles with completely different words, themes and stories, and I didn’t even notice that they weren’t the same! Don’t ask me, I have no idea. It wasn’t until I began to wonder why in the world I didn’t have a verse 28 in chapter 3 of my note-taking Bible but I had it in my study Bible that it clicked. *sigh* *face palm* I was frustrated for about 5 seconds (I had written most of my notes in pen), muttered something along the lines of, “come on, Rachel, get it together” and then couldn’t help but smile. How fitting.
Friends, please hear me. It’s okay to not have everything all together all the time. It’s okay to have bad days and be messy. Come on, you’re only human. But I hope you can find peace and reassurance in the fact that in the midst of your messes, you’re still loved and valued beyond measure. Because that’s God. He is gracious, even in our messes.
Especially in our messes.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9